So, I have never realised how hard it must have been to be someone like Nephi or Abinadi. I had always thought that they just knew they were right and everyone else was wrong and that they would be blessed for calling people to repentance and everything was always pretty much hunky-dory, and you know, it may have been. But something tells me that calling people to repentance is HARD and that telling people that what they're doing is probably not the best thing really alienates a person.
I also have a little more insight into the lives of Laman and Lemuel. They were rebels from good families that didn't want to be "lame" like their younger brother. They thought everything they were doing was cool and the people they were hanging out with were cool. Even if they didn't have any friends, they thought that making moral compromise after moral compromise would make people like them, but does that every really work. They had a fear of man that surpassed their fear of God, and the last thing they wanted was someone who wasn't as "loose" as them or as "cool" as them telling them that they needed to change their lives around and turn to God.
Another thing I've realised is that Nephi loved his brothers and never stopped loving them or praying for them or hoping they would see where they went wrong and come back to Christ. But because of what Nephi said (and it was a "hard thing") they harbored a hatred for him and his people for generations, and Nephi said it in love.
I know I'm not a Nephi. There are soooooooo many things I need work on! I'm not as strong and stalwart as he was. But even so, I felt like Nephi last night. I needed to defend myself against the things of the world. I needed to let someone know that I couldn't follow them in the directions they were choosing. I had to let them know that no matter what I was NOT going to compromise my morals to fit in or be accepted by the people they wanted me to be accepted by. I had to say things to defend my Father in Heaven and to defend truths I hold close to my heart. It was nearly impossible and I was exhausted and upset afterwards. I didn't cry or anything like that, it was more like I couldn't believe that someone who had seen so much good and had so many great experiences could believe that God had deserted them. I got wound up and I felt bad. And then I remembered Nephi. I can't imagine what it was like for him to HAVE to turn his back on his brothers, or that's how they saw it anyway (in reality he stayed in the same place: steadfast and immovable, they left.) I don't know what is going to happen with this friend of mine. It's really hard knowing that they hate me, when for many years they have been one of my closest, dearest, best friends. I have been praying for them at least daily. I have fasted for them. And now there's not much I can do but continue in those things and continue trying to be better everyday. I will always be here for this person, right here. I will work my hardest to be the pillar of strength they might one day need and want. But for now, we're going two different directions. I need to continue going my way and maybe, one day, this person will end up making their way the same way. I hope I will continue growing and working toward my goal of the Celestial Kingdom, and that I will see them their with me when I reach it.
If you read this, thanks....I hope I've been able to convey what I'm feeling in a way that's not too conceded and I hope all the non-gender specific pronouns aren't too confusing. Last night was really really hard and I just thought I had to get my thoughts, feelings, and impressions down before I lost them.
~Manda
